i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
