Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
