Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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