She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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