still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My ass is underappreciated
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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