sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
