I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
