If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
