Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
