how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
