This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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