Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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