ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize