I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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