how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
