I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
