Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
