how can u be prego again
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
