I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
