i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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