Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
