I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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