Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
