a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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