Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
whose parrot is this?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
