I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
