everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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