I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
