Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
