I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
