rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
