you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
