Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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