What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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