...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i barfeds in our rink
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
