There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
