**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
