Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize