There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize