my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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