A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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