THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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