Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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