Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
