3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
