So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize