you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
