What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
youre lurking in front of me
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
