dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize