I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize