You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
