I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Terrible idea I love it
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
