he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
