I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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