I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
