why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
