You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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