I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
