I wanna passion pit in your ass
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
so much tequila, so little girl.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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