he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Randomize
