THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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