here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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