she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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