Sry I called you an 8
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
