bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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