He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
