Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
