the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
