tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
