I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
