i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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