pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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