I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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