tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
